Who isn't looking forward to the end of 2020? I just watched a year-end review and it was sobering. I found myself repeatedly saying, 'that happened this year?' Each event that, at the time, seemed to be the story that would define the year, became a footnote in the downward spiral of misery that just kept spinning us further into the abyss. I'm dizzy from it. Not he good kind of dizzy that you used to get as a child when you threw your arms wide, looked up at the sky, and spun around until you fell down in the grass, laughing with joy. No, I'm talking about the overwhelmingly disorienting feeling when you try the same thing as an adult and it makes you want to vomit. Getting old is like experiencing 2020 repeatedly.
My year was filled with a plethora of anxiety, mostly centered around my mom. I have to say after the list I am about to recite, that she is an energizer bunny, albeit a super low battery version. Three trips to the emergency room, one requiring staples in her head. Diagnosed with atrial fibrillation, leading to a cardioversion. Neurologically diagnosed shrinking brain. Lung cancer. COPD. Radiation treatment. Broken finger. Quarantined since March. And yet, she persists. Through all this, all she wants to do is go shopping. Once she is vaccinated, I will take her anywhere she wants to go. Anywhere. I am here to serve her, in whatever capacity I am able. This is why I am here. I know my purpose on this earth at this time and I will fulfill it.
I hope things get better for everyone in 2021. I'm optimistic they will. My goals for the future include making my mom's time here worthwhile and learning to control my bitchiness. Yeah, stop laughing about the latter. It's a goal, not a promise. I just have to keep repeating to myself, 'all you need is love.'
Happy New Year, everyone. Make good choices.