My War of Wits with a Raccoon-So Far I’m Losing

We have three bird feeders on the deck. All day long, cardinals, finches, the occasional woodpecker, and various other winged creatures I cannot identify, partake of the ready-made hanging snack food. For breakfast, I usually eat one or two pieces of fruit, and I throw the cores into the yard for nocturnal feasting by, what I can only assume, are raccoons. The night feast also includes moldy bread (how does one ever make it through a whole loaf?), whatever we didn’t finish at dinner, or what I drop on the floor, which is fairly substantial most days. You would think this would be enough for our wild, furry friends, but you would be mistaken. Well, I was terribly mistaken. Apples and bread must be a raccoon’s gateway drugs.

Cute and smart is a lethal combination.

On the deck sits a large metal trashcan with a lid. In it, we keep corn for the deer, bird seed to refill the feeders, and at night, the feeders as well. A few days ago, I went outside in the morning to put the feeders out, and the lid was lying next to the can. Inside the can was evidence of gleeful pandemonium. The feeders were askew and half empty, and bird seed was flung recklessly all through the can and on the deck. It looked like the aftermath of a rampage.

Being the creature of superior intellect, I decided to put a stop to these shenanigans. Our grill has a nice cover, so I wrapped it over the can the next night. The following morning, the nice cover was torn in half, and the can was again penetrated. Now I had really had it with the little bastard(s).

Our grill has a storage space underneath, accessed by two doors with handles. Still thinking I was the more astute of the two of us, last night I put the feeders under the grill and using a wire brush, slid it between the handles to effectively ‘lock’ the doors. Raccoons have amazingly dexterous hands so I believed this to be my final hurdle to complete mastery of the situation.

This morning I noticed bird seed around and under the grill. Hmmm, maybe the raccoon got frustrated and shook the grill, causing the feeders to fall over? I removed the wire brush and opened the doors. Utter carnage. Bird seed murder scene. Utter bafflement on my part. Then I saw it. In the upper back of the storage space is a small opening. Large enough for an incredibly persistent, and obviously addicted, little bandit to access.

The grill is now pushed up against the house, blocking the opening. I’m going to try again tonight. I wonder how the little genius will humiliate me this time?